I have been going through R’s back taxes.  In 2002, the year before he was hurt, his total income was $13000.  The farm showed a loss.  In 2003 and 2004, most of his income was from his long term disability insurance and was less than that.  The farm showed a loss in those years too.  As his neck and hips have continued to deteriorate, he has been able to do less and less on the farm and even with me helping, the income has not been over $5000 in any year.

How can a judge order someone to pay their more than they make in spousal support?  I don’t suppose I will ever understand how this could happen and I still have trouble believing that it can’t be changed.  I suppose the short answer is that he should have had an attorney for his divorce but it gets to be more complicated when the cheapest attorney he could find requires a $5000 retainer.

Now we are faced with getting another attorney.  I don’t know how we will pay for it but I have learned the hard way that to go to court without one is a losing proposition.  I may be having a retainer sale of everything left on the farm.

Today is the first day that I have felt even semi normal.  I can look at life with a little bit more of a hopeful attitude and am praying that the new attorney will be able to make some headway.   He is very well respected in the county court system.  Of course, that means he is also very expensive but since it is apparently pay now or pay more later, he will be worth it.

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I don’t think I have ever felt so totally hopeless and helpless in my life.  We went to court today expecting to be able to get the support amended because R has finally qualified for disability.  The Circuit Court judge told us that when he was approved the circumstances would have changed and he could apply for termination.  This would be good because it would allow us to work on some sort of repayment plan for the arrears.  Previously he was told that he had no income when the spousal support was ordered, he has no income now so nothing had changed and they couldn’t change it.

The last time we were in court, the judge ordered him to continue to pay what he could until he heard about his disability.  He has continued to pay what he could afford.  When we got to court today, the judge why he shouldn’t put him in jail and R showed him the approval letter for SSI.  He gets a whole $674 per month.  When the R asked him to terminate the spousal support based on a change of circumstances, the judge told him that he couldn’t do that today, that he would have to go through the proper procedure.  Then the judge asked what his plan was to repay the arrears and R told him that he could afford $100-150 per month and the judge says, “That isn’t going to cut it.”  He then ordered him to pay $2500 today or be taken into custody with a $2500 purge.

I left the courthouse to drain all of our bank accounts and borrow the rest of the money to get him out.  This puts us $40,000+ in debt to his ex and a total of another $9,000 in debt to some very, very good friends.  I don’t know what the judge expects him to do.  He can’t even borrow the money as long as the spousal support is continuing to accrue.  What bank would lend someone money when their debts are 125 percent of their income?

So yes, I am feeling down, depressed, hopeless and very, very disappointed with the American justice system.  I’m not even angry at the ex wife.  I can’t blame her for going after whatever she has been told that she legally can get but there certainly has to be some relief here.

R is not one of those men who quit their jobs so that he can avoid paying.  He was disabled before they were even separated.   This is pretty much legal extortion.  There is no way out and the debt just keeps getting bigger and bigger and bigger.

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He wrote a letter to the court the week after surgery and asked that the date be continued as the clinic appointments are booked several months in advance.  The clerk of the court was not helpful to say the least and the best we could get was that she would show it to the judge.  This means that instead of rescheduling it in advance, they wait until the morning of court and R’s ex has to show up so they can set another date.

The last time they had to reschedule a date, we had an attorney.  The attorney made arrangements with the clerk to reschedule it and told R not to go to court.   The judge issued a warrant for his arrest for not showing up in court.  The sherrif’s department notified him and he turned himself in the next day.  This required us to bond him out.

We went to the clinic with no idea of whether there would be another warrant issued for his arrest when we returned home.  We came home and waited for the police to show up and haul him off.  We looked over our shoulder and waited on pins and needles for two days.  Finally the sheriff delivered a show cause summons for October 27th.   Whew.

While there is no possible way that we could pay her the $50,000 or the $1300 per month that the courts have awarded her, R is trying to pay her something every month.  It’s worse than a credit card debt as the amount due just keeps growing and growing and there is no way we can even begin to whittle it down.

He will go to court on the 27th with really no hope that anything will change.  The court will probably order him to pay another $5000 and give him 3 months to do it.  There is no hope at all that we could pay that much.  When the judge ordered it last time they put him in jail for 4 months or until the $5000 was paid.  A very, very good friend loaned us the money to get him out but we certainly cannot afford to borrow any more and cannot in good conscience accept it when we can’t pay it back.

I am still wondering why the courts awarded this much in spousal support when he was out of work on disability when they were first separated.  In Virginia, spousal support is not supposed to be punative.  It is not meant to be a punishment, it is meant to allow the spouse to continue to live in the same basic lifestyle that they were living.  How can this amount of spousal support be anything but punative when there is no hope of paying it?  How many other men or women are in the same situation?

Even if R could go back to work, the economy is so bad that it would be difficult to find a job.  This area is extremely depressed.  Factories that have been in business for decades are closing their doors.  I know of 3 major area employers who have either closed or layed of a large percentage of their employees in the last month.  This is a rural area and there are very few employers here anyway.

So R’s ex has won the right to be labeled my biggest aching debt.   There is no way to pay it off or even keep up with the monthly payments.  It is one of the few debts that can put you in jail for not paying.  It cannot be discharged by bankruptcy so it is hopeless.

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